Real Love: A Decision Beyond Emotion

True Love: Willing the Good of the Other

Love is a word that carries immense weight and meaning. Often, we equate it with intense passion, romanticism, or feelings of warmth and affection. But the great Catholic theologian and philosopher St. Thomas Aquinas presents us with a different perspective: “Love is the choice to will the good of the other.” In this simple yet profound definition, Aquinas captures the essence of true love as something far beyond mere emotion.

The Essence of True Love

To “will the good of the other” means that, when we truly love, we want someone to experience happiness, health, and fulfillment, independent of any personal gain. This concept shifts love from being just a feeling to an intentional choice. It’s an act of selflessness, a decision to place another’s well-being at the forefront of our minds and actions. In doing so, love becomes not just good, but beautiful and true.

Why Loving Only Ourselves Will Never Satisfy

In our culture, there’s often a focus on self-love and self-worth, and while these are essential, they can only take us so far. A life lived solely in pursuit of one’s own desires and needs can feel empty. We cannot create lasting value for ourselves through self-centeredness. Instead, it’s in selfless giving and genuinely wanting what’s best for others that we discover true love and fulfillment.

Helping others can sometimes appear as an act of love. But if we act only to feel good about ourselves or to look kind in the eyes of others, it’s more about fulfilling our own desires than about the person we’re helping. True love is a virtuous, generous act—a willingness to see another’s good as essential to our own. It’s about selflessly sharing in their happiness, their well-being.

Love in Our Lives: Why It Matters

Think about it: when marriages fail, it’s often because one or both partners aren’t truly “willing the good of the other.” Instead of mutual sacrifice and support, selfishness and a need for control can overshadow the relationship. The same pattern can be seen in governments, businesses, and communities—where selfish interests take precedence over genuine care for others, and conflicts arise, often leading to mistrust, division, and sometimes, downfall.

Practicing Love Daily

How do we integrate this true love into our everyday lives? Start small, in the places where we spend our daily lives: our homes, workplaces, grocery stores, or even while driving. When we practice patience in traffic or kindness in line at the store, we are making the decision to “will the good of the other.” Choosing to love is choosing to see the person in front of us—whether they’re a friend, family member, coworker, or stranger—as someone deserving of respect and kindness.

To love our neighbor as ourselves means genuinely wanting their good just as much as we desire our own. True love, then, is a conscious, daily choice that requires sacrifice and self-giving. But when we give of ourselves from the heart, we gain so much in return—a deep sense of purpose, fulfillment, and joy that enriches our lives and the lives of those around us.

Conclusion: Love as a Catalyst for Change

Real love has the power to transform not only ourselves but also the world. When we cho

ose to love selflessly, we become a catalyst for change. By willing the good of others, we contribute to a world that is kinder, more just, and filled with the beauty of true love. So, let us begin this journey in our hearts, our homes, and our communities, knowing that our actions, no matter how small, can ripple outward and make a difference. Love is a choice. It’s a sacrifice, and it’s a gift we can give every day. And in giving, we truly receive.

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